Daughter of The Sea On Hiatus
by DeadDaydreamer
Summary: Ariel's a lucky girl. So lucky in fact, that she's tagging along on The Cornelia Marie with her second family  Jake, Josh, and Phil , to get them big numbers for the season. What could happen when there's a sneaky smart-mouth girl on a ship of all men?
1. Prologue

Prologue

* * *

"She's my luck, Phil. I'm not shitting you. It's Ariel. She's my lucky girl. When she stays off the boat, my numbers are crap, but when she's on the boat, I'm home within three weeks. She's the daughter of the sea." My father boasted at the bar to Phil Harris, my second father, as they drank their beer and smoked their cigarettes.

"Huh, no kidding," Phil said calmly, "so then why aren't you fishing this year, Sim?" That's what he called my dad, Sim. Except he pronounced it Sim as in The Sims 3 and not Sim as in short for his full name, Simon. But dad didn't mind. He wasn't one to bitch about details. I was like my dad. I never bitched, even when I wanted him to shut up, like I did right now.

"Well, I'm not fishing this year because I want you to bring Ariel on the Cornelia this season. She really wants to get into crabbing and you're the guy who can teach her right. And besides, if she's on the Cornelia, you'll get nothing but stuffed pots all season." My father explained, pausing for a moment to take a drag.

He didn't ask me if I wanted to go. Of course I would though. He was telling the truth when he told Phil I wanted to get into the crabbing business. I wouldn't mind going with Phil to learn either. But he didn't ask. That was one of a handful of his flaws. He never asked me, he assumed. But he usually assumed right. I lifted and dipped my feet into the Dutch Harbor waters as I sat on the docks, listening in on my father's conversation.

"Did you ask Ariel?" Phil asked, looking at my father with knowing eyes.

"No, not yet. I never do." My eyes rolled, but I smiled. _My annoying dad, my loveable annoying dad. _

"Well you have to ask her, Sim," Phil said, finishing off his beer, "you can't just keep surprising her with new shit all the time. I know for a fact she doesn't like it."

My father sighed and pushed his stool back. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

"Honey bunny." _Here we go. _I thought as I twisted my body away from the water and towards my dad. My toes were turning a pale grey color. My plan was to see if, after awhile, if they would fall off from the cold. Guess not.

"What is it, dad?"

"Aren't your toes cold?" He asked, looking worriedly at my cloudy colored appendages.

"Obviously. Is that why you came out here? To inquire about the warmth of my feet?" I said, clearly being a smart ass.

"No. Actually, I came to ask you about something including you going somewhere, if you like that is." He asked, kind of. He unconsciously looked over his shoulder and found Phil standing behind him. My father jumped a little but quickly laughed it off.

"Has he asked you yet?" Phil asked me, "and Jesus lady, your toes are falling off!"

I looked down excited. "Really?" No. Phil lied. They were still there. I couldn't feel them, but I could see them still attached to my foot. I sighed in defeat. "He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere, but that's it."

Phil rolled his eyes. "Your father is asking you to come onto the Cornelia Marie for a season! Jesus Sim, get some balls!"

"Of course I'll go. It'll be cool being on a crabbing boat instead of a fishing boat and all my second family is on there!" I held out my hand. My dad hauled me from the dock and onto my feet. "I'm going to be the lucky girl, right?" I swiveled over to my shoes and slipped into them. My toes thanked me with painful tingling.

"If you don't mind. I could put you to work with the boys if you want."

"Eh, I'm fine being the luck. Let them do what they're good at and let me do what I'm good at."

"Sitting on your ass and eating?" Phil asked jokingly.

"Exactly, Poppy." I replied.

Phil laughed and pulled me into a breath consuming hug. Even I couldn't feel my arms; I definitely could felt the love.

"When do I start?" I asked.

"Tomorrow thanks to your dad's lack of communication."

"Dandy."

* * *

"See you bright and early tomorrow, little mama." Phil yelled over his humming engine. He honked his horn; said goodbye to his childhood friend standing beside me, then drove off. Once his truck was out of sight, my fist flew up and hit my father in the arm. I could feel my knuckles ramming into his humerus.

My dad let out a yell then slapped his hand onto the reddened spot on his arm.

"What was that for?" He yelled at me with an angered look. Even his mustache looked angry.

"Just ask me you fool! Stop assuming! Jesus! Now I have to pack quickly and get my shit together for tomorrow! I am totally sending you to the home now!" I yelled right back. A few years back when I was still a teenager, I wouldn't be caught dead hitting my dad. I was the kind girl who adored her dad and never said a bad thing about him. But I was 22 now and beating on the elderly like nobodies damn business. (Not like random old people, just my dad.)

His eyes went wide. Just the thought of me sending him to a nursing home made him scared shitless. That was my number one thing to win an argument. I crossed my arms and nodded.

"Yep, I think so."

"Ariel, stop it."

"You love it."

"No."

"Whatever."

"You're a mean girl."

"I get it from mom."

"At least your mother is nice some of the time."

I looked out to the quickly darkening Bering Sea. It looked like midnight colored satin being rippled by the wind. The waves gently crashed against the dock and on the side, sometimes reaching our feet and soaking our toes. They crashed against the setting sun too, scaring it away. Yeah, I was like my mom alright. I missed her a lot, even when she was close.

"I'm going home to pack, dad." I whispered.

I watched him. He smiled silently as he looked out at the sea just as I was. He missed mom too. He loved her for so long, and she just one day pushed him away.

"Okay, baby. I'll see you." He shoved his hands in his pockets and began to hum Song of The Sea. I never got what he liked in that Celtic music he loved so much. He started off in the opposite direction. I knew where he was going. He was going to the boat. The Queen. I guessed he would be there most of the night, watching her as she slept.

I smiled at her once more then made my way to the back parking lot of the bar.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Dedicated to: JakeHarrisLover. You make the doubt in me GO AWAY! Love the feedback. It still depends on what type of cookie! ****J**** Even with sprinkles from your uncle's stash!**

**What I'm listening to: Celtic Woman- Beyond the Sea**

**I highly suggest you listen to this while you're reading the singing part.**

**(Be aware I changed a couple words to fit the story, but just listen and read. This is how Ariel sings to her mom exactly. All the instruments, the multiple voices, etc. It's beautiful. Enjoy.)**

**Link: .com/watch?v=vz_fcbKKmQA&feature=related**

* * *

I was a little lost as to what I should bring to a season of crabbing. I wasn't even quite sure how long a season was or if they Phil had a washer and drier on the boat. (I suspected not.) So I just though of what I would bring if I was going to summer camp or something. I wrote a list and filled my bag as such:

_Ariel's List of Shit:_

_7 or 8 shirts (Plain)_

_3 or 4 sweatshirts (Cuz' it gets cold out there and you love to share)_

_1 or 2 hats (ball cap style)_

_5 or 6 sweatpants_

_Lots o' socks_

_3 nighttime outfits_

_Make-up bag (Gotta NOT look like a gross sea monster)_

_Toothbrush_

_Extra toothpaste _

_Pads (You've been watching the calendar)_

_Razors and Shaving Cream_

_D.O. for the B.O._

_Hair ties_

_Cell phone (To call dad)_

_IPod_

_Nightlight (Just in case)_

_Aspirin (We both know you're going to fall)_

_Paper _

_Pencils_

* * *

I hoped I didn't pack too much and seemed like an anal loser. I squeezed the zipper and force-zipped my bag up then threw it in the corner of my room. My fingers stung on the tips. They were bright pink and unhappy.

I flopped onto my bed. Putting my hands being my head, I looked into the middle of the circle of light my lamp was casting on my ceiling. It reminded me of the sun. I wondered if I would see the sun tomorrow. Probably not. The cold was coming in quickly.

I thought: It's weird. Today I'm Ariel, the nothing special girl. Tomorrow I'm Ariel, lucky girl of The Cornelia Marie. Tomorrow all my usual routines would be broken and left behind as a boarded Phil's boat and join them on the Opilio season.

Was I nervous? Not really. Was I excited? Oh, yeah.

I looked at my watch face resting on my wrist. It was 8:23. I remembered that Phil said, "See you bright and early tomorrow!" So I decided it wise to sleep early so I would wake up early.

I thought: How early? Phil didn't tell me when to be there. When will I know when to wake up? Damn Phil.

Pulling out my cell phone, I texted Josh:

_Haaay Josh! I have a question for...YOU! :D_

Then I waited a moment until I felt my phone vibrate on my belly.

_Hey jelly belly, shoot._

I replied:

_What time are you waking up tomorrow? The Opilio season is right around the corner my friend!_

Buzz (Insert giggle):

_Around five. And I know, stinky! I work on a crab boat, 'member?_

"Stinky! I am not odoriferous in the least!" I yelled at my phone.

_Oh, mk. I do remember. I just wanted to know. Now, GO TO SLEEP! Iloveyou._

I could just picture Josh's eyes widening as he laughed at me for being odd. God I wished Josh was my real brother!

_Night, Ari. I will. You kind of woke me up anyways. I love you too...like a lot. :)_

Then I snapped my phone shut and tossed it onto the bedside table, happy that I got my answer and that from what I knew, Josh didn't know I was tagging along tomorrow. I wiggled out of my sweats and took off my undershirt, leaving me in my bra, underwear, and an oversized 'Eat Alaska Crab' Grundens sweatshirt that made me feel in costume. I set my alarm to 4:45 a.m. then threw myself under the blankets and stuffed my earphones in my ears.

* * *

It was half past eleven. From my bed I watched as white waves crashed against the low moon. It slept on the water. It was as full as my mind was with the thoughts of what I was going to do.

Without letting the bright orb leave my gaze, I silently crawled from under my covers, out of my bed. A small smile formed on my chapped lips. It was a beautiful smile that I missed. But for me, it was more than something pretty to look at. It was a sign. It was time now. It would allow me to be the lucky girl tomorrow and for the rest of the season.

It was time to sing to mom.

I stepped into a pair of white shorts and tip-toed out the door, even with the lack of company. I didn't want the calm air to shift at all. I would undoubtedly need the quiet when I returned. My eyes looked once more through the small crack of the door and found the moon gleaming through my window, still waiting.

I shut the door and left, happy.

* * *

A soft breeze blew across my face as I walked down the docks. It ruffled my hair, giving the scents of salts and night, my favorite smells of all. The dock creaked, moaned, and yawned under my bare feet. I wondered ad I wandered why people didn't come out here more often. It was nice.

But tonight, I hoped no one was around. I didn't want them to find me singing to mom. I didn't think they'd understand what I was doing, and frankly, I didn't want to explain.

All was quiet. Only the distant sounds of waves rushing and boat bells rocking.

I was making my way to my dad's boat, a small black fishing vessel named The Queen. It's been in our family since I could remember and then some. It was on that boat where my father met my mother. It was on that boat where my mother gave birth to me. It's also where she left my dad and I.

I didn't hate my mother. My dad didn't either. We just missed her even though we knew she was close. She watched us and took care of us from a far. Almost daily I would talk to her on the docks. My dad would watch her till' sundown. They were still in love. I could feel it when I talked to her.

The Queen was hushed. Dad had gone home. Even he didn't know what happened between my mother and I on these nights. I took a hold of the railing of the small vessel and pulled myself on.

The wind changed, pulling me towards the other side of the boat, closer to the sea. I followed without a struggle.

I leaned over the railing into the ripples. She was right beneath the surface, smiling up at me. She was as beautiful as the day she left us. Her hair was as long and as flowing as net. It was the color of night just as mine was. Her eyes were large and behind her bright green irises was only love and kindness. Her skin pale, grey yet shiny as she reached her graceful arm out of the sea.

Our fingers touched. Her cold, mine warm. The pads of her fingers felt like smooth scales, like on a fish. An overwhelming feeling of love and peace crawled up my fingers, my arm, and crept through out my body.

"Hello my daughter." She whispered.

"Hi mom. It's nice to see you again." I replied.

"And I you, my darling." Then she returned her arm down into the water and waited. She knew why I was here. She always knew.

I closed my eyes breathed in, taking in the smells and the small sounds around me. Soon they all silenced. Then I let my breath out and began to sing:

Sailing, sailing

Somewhere beneath the sea  
somewhere waiting for me  
my mother washes on golden sands  
and watches the ships that go sailing

Somewhere beneath the sea  
she's there watching for me  
If I could sail as the ships on high  
then straight to her arms

_I'd go sailing, sailing_

_It's far beneath the stars  
it's near beneath the moon  
I know beyond a doubt_

_my heart will lead me there soon_

I heard my voice become many. I heard the chirping of airy chimes and the plucking of harps. All of the heart beating drums, the solo violin, the flutes calling out. All these sounds coming from me, to her. They road on the waves, crashed on the beach, sank beautifully to my mother's ears.

_We'll meet behind the shore  
we'll love just as before  
Happy we'll be beneath the sea  
and never again I'll go sailing, sailing_

I know beyond a doubt  
my heart will lead me there soon  
We'll meet (I know we'll meet) beyond the shore  
We'll love just as before  
Happy we'll be beyond the sea  
and never again I'll go sailing

no more sailing  
so long sailing  
bye, bye sailing...  
move on out captain

All the surrounding sounds rolled back when my voice silenced. Below I watched as my mother smiled proudly and with so much joy. She clapped without sound. Only small, muted waves rose above her head. I was still grateful.

I removed my sweatshirt and threw it behind me then swung my legs over the side of the boat.

I jumped to her. I jumped into the Harbor.

I sang to her again under the water.

And again, and again.

We danced against the current till' we couldn't dance anymore.

She kissed my forehead and sent me to the surface.

I was the lucky girl.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Dedicated to: Disaray. Thanks for the comments and positive talkin'. You're awesome as a possum. ****For realz yo!**

**What I'm Listening To: The Band Perry- If I Die Young**

* * *

A blaring scream arose next to my head. My eyes opened wide and crossed for a moment. In the same moment I sat up and gasped then shook the cross out of my eyes. Slowly the reason for my rude awakening came flowing back to me. Ragefully, I smashed my fist down on the snooze button, silencing it's shrieking.

"Ugh, too early! Need more sleep." I whined. Even with the complaining, I flipped off my covers and headed for the shower. That was one of the downsides of growing up and moving out, nobodies around to whine to or care about what you're whining about.

I slipped a black undershirt over my head then put my sweatshirt back on. The thought of dirtiness didn't faze me. It didn't phase my deodorant either, or my beautifully stinky Pink Perfume that I sprayed from my toes to the crown of my head.

I rifled through my draws and found a pair of dark jeans. The knees were ripping and fraying quickly. They were perfect. I slipped them on, not even bothering to unbutton them.

Quickly I twisted my hair into a black nest at the crown and clamped it up with a tortoise hair grip. It didn't really care about looking like a million bucks this early in the morning. It didn't matter to me if I looked like Medusa or Princess freaking Anastasia.

I swiped a black liner across the bottom of my eyes then smudged a sheer metallic shadow across my lids. Again, looks before the sun was awake didn't matter. Besides, I doubted anyone would actually care if I was in full on drag make-up or if I was milk plain. They would be too busy doing their jobs to examine my face and what I had put on it.

* * *

It was 5:10 and I was shoveling overdone eggs, half-cooked bacon, and burned toast into my pie hole.

I felt a lot like a chipmunk who just found out she was late for hibernation. From the feel it, I probably looked like one too. This was one of the up sides of moving out. There was no one around to see me in this state.

Thoughts stacked on thoughts began to drop into my head. I wondered what it would be like to be on the open sea. I pondered how it would feet under my feet when I got onto a crab boat, for this was my first time on a crab boat. When I actually sat down and thought about it, it was odd to me too. Of course I had been on a fishing boat, but it was reasonably smaller and smelled like nothing more than caught fish. Since I was small my father tended to steer me away from the crabbing industry even though his best friend, Poppy, was a crab fisherman. I did have to ask myself why he did so and why was he pushing me into it now.

My phone rang and broke me from my thoughts.

I sighed and crossed my eyes. I couldn't understand how I could supposedly be a lucky girl on the water and still have shitty luck on land. It didn't make much sense. I jumped over my couch and into my bedroom. I grabbed up my phone from my bedside and looked at my caller ID.

Poppy Harris.

"Hewwo?" (Hello?)

"Ariel?"

"Yweah!" (Yeah!)

He was silent for a moment.

"What the Hell is in your mouth?" Phil yelled into my ear.

"Bweakfwast!" (Breakfast!)

Another moment of silence. I knew on the other end he was rolling his eyes and making his all too familiar odd faces at my voice.

"Well whatever it is get it out of your stasher so I can talk to you!"

Without thought I spit all of the contents in my mouth into my hand then pressed the phone back onto my ear.

"I'm back. Whuddya need, Poppy?"

"I was just callin' to get your ass out of bed. You have a job startin' today. Or did you forget?"

"I remember. I'll be down there soon."

"Be here by 5:30, okay? You think you can handle? I can always get another lucky girl."

"Shut up old man. You couldn't find another lucky girl if your fucking life depended on it."

Poppy laughed. It sort of sounded like he was crying over the phone.

"You're just like your mom, Ariel."

"I've been told." I said, remembering my dad talking of my mother sometimes being a little harsh. Mom always claimed that her harshness was inexistent, but I knew no one, even my now graceful and peaceful mother, couldn't never be harsh.

"Well, be here by 5:30."

"Okay, I will."

"See you then, honey bunny."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

I threw my phone onto my indented pillow then traveled back to the kitchen.

"Jesus, I'm gonna need a hearing aid because of that guy." I whispered, rubbing my ear until the ringing quieted.

I was worried about my hearing until I remembered something. I looked down at my hand. Within the cage of my fingers was a large wet lump of pink and brown and yellow chewed food. I gagged and squeezed my eyes shut, disgusted at the sight. I quickly found a butter knife, stepped on the garbage footpad and scrapped my palm, not even bothering to look.

"God, what the fuck is wrong with me?" I yelled as I put my hand under scalding hot water. I wanted to get the feeling of squishy spit up totally off my nerves. So if I had to burn them to do so, so be it.

* * *

The docks were dark, darker than the night, which happily confused me. It would be the second time I wandered my way down these docks today. I visualized my footprints from last night and tried to follow them exactly. After a moment, I felt drunk. The path of my feet was severely wobbly and twirled. I must have been really tired when I left.

The lights of the boats led me well. They lit the way like a traveler with the North Star. I felt special for some reason. In the distant I could hear the loud booming of men's voices as they called out commands and reported what they needed and what they had, who was here and who was missing, and other things. I couldn't hear it all.

I was coming up on the first boat in the bright line up: The Northwestern.

Along with the Harris family, the Sealy family was also very close with the Hanson's. Sig and Edgar were like the strange, loud-mouthed uncles I always dreamed of. Though sadly along with many others, they were but fake family members. Yeah, I had a lot of fake family members. I suppose that was because of my lack of actual family members. My dad was an only child and my mother, well, all her family were with her and unknown to me.

"Hey kid!" A voice yelled just above my head. I looked up to the Wheel House of The Northwestern.

_Speak of the chain-smoking Devil. _

"Hello, Sig." I yelled up to him.

"What're you doing 'round here now? Shouldn't you be, uh, sleepin' or something?" He asked.

"I should, but I'm not. For a good reason though." I explained, poking up my nose and folding my arms.

"You know, when you do that thing with your nose, you look kind of retarded."

"Shut up!" I stuck my tongue out and blew a raspberry.

"What are you doing here, kid?"

"For your information, Sigsen, I'm Poppy's lucky girl for the season! I'm important."

Sig snorted. I scowled grossly.

"What the Hell are you going to do on a big crabbing boat? You cried in a kiddy pool!"

"I was five and Jake peed in the water! I could feel the warmth!"

"Whatever. You're gonna need all that luck you have just to get through the season."

"Eh, forget you! You just wish you had me on your boat!"

"Exactly. See you around, kid." He said before closing the window.

* * *

I heaved my bag over my shoulder and huffed. I knew he didn't mean any harm though. He never did. But that kiddy pool thing was a low blow. I loved the water and I loved crabbing, or at least the idea of it. Sig knew that too. I just needed to prove it to him, to everyone.

"Hey," I turned to see Edgar leaning on the railing. He smiled and motioned me over.

"Hi, Uncle Ed. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I heard what Sig was saying." He said, pointing his thumb towards the Wheel House.

"Ah, yeah. It doesn't bother me." I explained, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"I didn't think so. I just wanted to congratulate you on getting on the Cornelia team. Your being their lucky girl. That, I didn't know about you."

"I have secrets too. Thank you though. I hope I'll do a good job and bring them good numbers."

"You will. You _are _a lucky girl. Lucky girls don't fail." That made me feel awesome and awesome feelings plus Ariel equals fun, fun, fun!

"Thanks a lot, Ed. I'll remember that." I pulled him into a hug.

"No prob, Ari. Have a good time. Nothing too boring?"

"When I'm around, nothing is boring. True?"

"Very true."

The sun was just peeking over Ed's shoulder. That meant time was running out quickly.

"Oh, Jesus! I got to go, Ed! I'll talk to you later! Bye!" I kissed him on the darkened cheek and rushed off towards the end of the line.

* * *

There it was my new home for until whenever. Just the thought of stepping onto the deck of the Cornelia Marie made my heart almost race out of my chest and down the dock. But I kept a cool face and took a breath in. The sour smell of caught bait consumed my nose along with the burning smell of cigarette smoke. I coughed as softly as I could then dropped my bag from my shoulders and heaved it onto the boat deck then I swung my legs over the side of the dock and slid myself on. My feet were disappointed at the lack of difference between a fishing boat's deck and a crabbing boat's deck.

Nobody realized that I had infiltrated their ship. I felt like a ninja. It was a good thing in my eyes. I wanted to surprise them. I wondered what their reaction would be like. I did hope it would be better than the outcome of the deck differences.

I picked up my bag and slipped one of my arms around it. Swift as Taylor, I moved across the ship towards the wheel house. This simple secretiveness made me such a happy camper I felt like breaking out in jazz dance, but that would ruin my cover so I chose otherwise. Once I got to the stairs, I looked around once more then made my way up.

_Perhaps the jazz dance isn't totally out of the question. _I thought as I saw myself dancing up in the wheel house for Poppy's entertainment. I snorted.

"Poppy?" I asked, knocking on the slightly ajar door. I opened it the rest of the way and quietly stepped in.

I could see him. I could hear him. He was yelling at Jake about something or another over the intercom. That was not a huge surprise.

Things that did not surprise Ariel:

That Poppy was yelling.

That Poppy was yelling at Jake.

I sighed and dropped my bag with a thud onto he floor.

"What the He—"Poppy turned in his Captain's chair. I could see he was ready to rip someone a new asshole just by the way he spoke and by the way his ashtray was already at capacity. But he stopped just short of giving me a piece of his un-filtered mind.

"Hello, Poppy." I said, happy as a jaybird.

"Hey, stinky. What's shakin'?" He asked, hanging up the microphone thing.

"Oh nothing special. I'm just hanging on the most awesome ship with my most awesome 2nd dad for awhile." I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm glad you're with us." He explained.

"I'm glad to be here. So, where am I sleepin'?" I asked. He pointed to a green pleather bench/couch.

I looked at it for a moment, thinking of when my skin used to get stuck on that kind of material in the summer. Then I thought of how f*ucking hot it was up here.

"Why?" I asked, looking over my shoulder to him.

"Listen, I love my boys. I think of my crew as family. Do I trust them with a pretty little thing like you in the same room as them for more than five hours? Hell no. That's why!"

"Touché. Fine, I'll sleep here. Where will I put my stuff?"

"Anywhere."

"Dandy."

"Oh, but first thing," he then un-hooked the microphone thing from its perch and yelled into it again, "Jake, Josh. Get your butts up here!"

_Here we go. _

* * *

There they were: Jake Harris and Josh Harris. There they stood in the doorway of the wheelhouse. At first they looked pissed, tired, and pissed. Their faces made me want to laugh. Yeah, I was that kind of girl. People's pain and suffering made me giggle. Then, their heads tilted my way and their eyes locked onto me. Their faces changed almost immediately. I didn't know if it was sincere or if they were just putting on a face because I was here. Either way, I didn't care.

"Ariel?" Josh asked with a bit of a unconvinced look on his face.

"Si, senor. Hola."

"Hey, what're you doing here?"

"Shut up and hug me."

He did as he was told and hugged me. Josh pulled his arms tight around my waist then picked me up off the floor. In one foul swoop he had stolen my air from my lungs.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too." I kissed his bearded cheek then asked him to put me down. He, again, did as he was told.

I gasped for breath as I stumbled a bit. Along with big hugs, Josh had a thing for spinning.

"Thank you for that. I needed to wake up." I said to him. He laughed and collapsed onto my newly acquired bed.

I took in a big breath, held it, then let it go. I smirked then cracked my back.

Like snakes, a pair of hands slithered around my stomach and gently constricted me. Jake rested his chin on my shoulder. I raised an eyebrow.

"I missed you too." He whined. My eyes rolled in their sockets.

I pecked his cheek as well.

"I missed you guys too."

"So," Jake said, "what _are _you doing here?"

"I," I began, prying Jake's arms off me as I did so, "am going to join you on your season…this season."

They turned dead silent. Jake's arms fell from me. For a moment they looked at each other with a confused/worried look, and then they looked back at me. But their eyes stopped at their dad. Poppy, who was half paying attention, half looking over the pots as the last were being stacked on. Once he noticed them staring, he turned, fully attentive.

"What?" He snapped.

"Dad," Josh started, "Ariel…"

"Why did you hire her Pops?" Jake put out bluntly.

"Hey!" I interjected. Why did the fact that Poppy hired me bother them? I didn't even have to do anything! It wasn't like I was going to be on deck…My face fell a bit.

They thought I was going to be working on the deck.

"Jake…I…" I started, but of course he interrupted.

"She cried in the kiddy pool!" He yelled, pointing a menacing finger at me.

_Why did everyone have to bring that up? Why today? Why in public?_

"JAKE!" I screamed.

"What?" He yelled back.

"I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. BE. WORKING. ON. THE. MOTHER. FUCKING. DECK!"

"…What? Then you're just gonna…be here?"

"No. She gonna be our honorary lucky girl, numb nuts!" Poppy said, lighting another cigarette.

"Lucky girl?"

"Yeah, lucky girl. Fishermen bring them on their boats to get good numbers. I never knew that you were one of them, Ar."

"I am, I guess."

"Well, welcome aboard anyway!" Josh said, laughing again.

"Yeah! Sexy lady onboard!" Jake sang.

I turned around and slapped him. "Pervert."

* * *

"Make-up?" Poppy asked.

"Yeah."

"Give it."

"What? Why? Why does it matter if I have make-up?"

"There is no special treatment on this ship, young lady."

"I miss my lip gloss, daddy!" Jake whined. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

I plucked my make-up bag out and handed it to him.

"MP3?"

"What if I was to say it was in my ass?"

Poppy turned to Josh. "Get the gloves. We got another one."

Josh smirked and started down the stairs.

"No, no, no! Get the fuck back up here!" I yelled at Josh.

"Give it." Poppy repeated.

"No! Go ahead; put your fingers up my butthole! I don't care! I need my I-pod Poppy! I, no shitting you, NEED my I-pod! But just remember, I'm not above begging and or screaming rape."

Poppy sighed. "Whatever. Perfumes?"

"In the make-up bag."

"Extra unnecessary jewelry?"

"Why does that…nope. None."

"Medications?"

"Aspirin? Does that count?"

"Yeah, but you can keep that, honey."

"Anything else of useless importance?"

"Nah."

"Alrighty then, welcome aboard."

"Thanks Poppy."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Dedicated to: All the Hotties with naughty bodies including JakeHarrisLover. Read her story, So Contagious! It's awesome. Oh, and thanks for the texts. They make it that more real. Mucho lovin' in this clubbin'.**

**What I'm Listening to: Elisa - Waves**

**Please Review and comment. I love them. **

* * *

We were officially off.

_My mother is the freaking sea! _I thought as I wrapped my arms around my stomach and attempted to swallow down the creeping upchuck in my throat. I had never in my life been sea sick. It just wasn't in my nature. I didn't think it was in my blood. But there I was, rocking with the boat in the galley feeling like a puke bomb just waiting to go off. I was quite sure I looked like a total and complete weenie. _God, this sucks._

The boat jumped forward. I covered my mouth, but along with the boat jumping so did my stomach. With a turn of my head I opened my mouth and let all the contents of my stomach drop into the sink. It smelled of acid and bacon. It literally burnt my nostrils. It made me want to hurl again. I gagged a few times then shook my head and laughed quietly. _Weenie. Weenie. Weenie._

Someone came up behind me, turned on the water to the sink, causing the pale remnants to rush down the sink. Then that certain someone pulled my hair by my ear up and stuck something sticky behind my ear. I touched it. It felt like a small circle of cloth. It immediately came to me. It was a sea sick patch thing. I turned my head to see Jake smiling behind me as he turned off the water.

"Thanks." I said, truly a little embarrassed. The last person I wanted to see me fragile was Jake, the guy who had a thing about remembering things for a long time and a thing about telling people things. I was just waiting for him to poke me in the belly and laugh at me for throwing up. I was waiting for him to tell whoever was close. That was Jake.

But he didn't. He tucked my hair behind my ear and playfully smushed his lips against my cheek.

"No problem. Happens to everyone at one point or another, lucky girl or not." He said then retreated back to his room. I watched him as he stopped. Someone had stopped him to ask him something, I guess. For a minute he just stood there and looked somewhere I couldn't see. Then, he laughed that addictive laugh and called someone I couldn't see an asshole. It was probably Josh.

He climbed up into his bunk and put his hands behind his head. I smiled and tried to think out the reason why I was. I didn't know. Jake just had that power of me. He looked at me with a strange look on his face.

Then, he spoke. "You should blink."

I did then shook my head and retreated to anywhere else. Again, I felt like a total loser. I had been caught staring for just a few seconds too long. I hated when people caught me doing odd things. It made me feel out of place. I pulled my hair clamp out of my hair and sat at the table then rested my head down on it. My hair collapsed around my face, shielding me from everything and everyone. It smelled of cigarettes and pine-sol, like everything else. It was nasty, but I was desperate so I wasn't picky.

I thought about what would go on in the time I was here. Would anything exciting happen? Or will it be chill and boring?

_Nothing is boring for long when I'm around. _I thought to myself.

I wondered if I would see mom again.

I wondered so much. It made my head hurt. Or maybe that was the pine-sol. Who could know?

* * *

"Time to rock and roll!" Poppy's voice boomed from above.

I was pulled back from the waters of slumber and back onto the Cornelia Marie. My eyes remained shut as I yawned softly. The time that had passed by was unknown to me. It felt like I had been sleeping for seconds, but I remembered Poppy had told me that it would take a few hours until we got to fishing grounds so I suspected hours was more believable than seconds.

A thunder of familiar voices passed me as everyone headed to the ready room to suit up and ship out to the deck. A small part of me wanted to get up and see them out. That was my motherly part I was known for. But it wasn't large enough to actually get me up. So, there I stayed, pretending to still be unconscious. I just listened.

Freddie put his hand on top of my head and called me a cutey. I thought about standing on the table and giving the finger to every person who called me ugly in high school. But again, I was too tired. I smiled happily on the inside as he continued to the ready room.

"Kinda sorta." Josh said to Freddie. Then silence. They were looking at me. I felt like sneezing. I always did when people looked at me silently.

"Cute in a retarded puppy kind of way, I guess." Ryan interjected suddenly.

_Fuck you! Why does everyone think I'm retarded? _I thought.

"Dude, you're way more retarded lookin'. She looks like a hot Einstein compared to you." Jake said.

"Dude, that's fucking gross. You're calling your sister hot."

"She's not really my sister, dumbass."

"Whatever, man."

The door was slammed shut and their clear voices became distant whispers.

I opened my eyes.

"Bitches and whores. I am not retarded!" I spat. The wave of anger woke me up. I sat up at the table and huffed. Taking my hair clamp from my kangaroo pocket, I pulled my hair up and clamped it once again then let my arms flop back down onto the table as if they were filled with lead.

The side of my arm brushed the side of it. My eyes looked down.

You know when you see food you automatically become hungry? Even if you were perfectly content the moment before? Yeah.

French toast (Unburned) with really fake maple syrup on the side, eggs without any brown and lots of yellow cheese, sausage cooked all the way through. I was in love.

"Oh." I said as I pulled the plate closer to me. A small note was stuck to the side of it.

Eat me, Pukey.

_Jake._

I felt like some sort of warped version of Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

I pulled the piece of scrap paper from the plate, folded it, and then put it in my pocket. For some reason I felt like I'd need it. But I felt that way about lots of things. I'm a borderline hoarder.

Taking up the fork laying beside my hand, I began to shovel food into my mouth. I poured the syrup onto my French affairs, forgetting my hatred of syrup getting on any other part of my food. It was good, too good. Jake would absolutely get something special later.

"Wink, wink." I said, my mouth stuffed. Then, I laughed. Stuff started coming back out of my face. That just made me laugh even harder. I snorted then reluctantly spit everything in my mouth into a napkin. It just wasn't happening. I was SO glad no one was around.

* * *

I pulled out my phone. This was the perfect moment to update Mufasa.

All right, her name was really Mufasa. But she was just as awesome and/or even more awesome than Mufasa. She was my best friend since the beginning of time. She knew me inside and out. She knew when I was sad, even when I put on face. She knew what made me happy, even without asking. We were twins to the end. We loved the same things, hated the same things, and bitched about everything. She was Kharissa and I loved her.

_Hey. We're off of the docks and onto the fishing grounds. Everyone's gone to the deck. I fucking fell asleep and woke up to food. :) _

I out another bunch of edibles into my mouth and waited for her response. When it came my phone buzzed against my belly and sang The Lion King intro song.

_You better hope you don't fall off of the boat and die! If you do laptop, cellphone, ipod, TV, aaaaall mine. Food eh? Was it deliciously delicious?_

I texted back jokingly furious.

_You bitchasaurus! No soup for you! Or TV, or cell phone, or iPod, nothing! I was inside thank you very much! I'm not that numb… It was from Jake so of course it was. He's a better cook then I thought. I gotta kidnap him and make him make my food from now on. _

I thought about telling her Ryan called me retarded, but I was afraid of what would happen if I did. You see, Kharissa wasn't above rowing her pretty ass out here and ripping Ryan a new asshole. Yes, it would be funny and the pictures that I would no doubt put on Facebook would be hilarious, but no one deserves to get another asshole from Kharissa if they didn't desire one in the first place. Not even Ryan. I was the nicer twin, believe it or not.

_Ooooooh Jake ;). Isn't he the one who peed in the kiddie pool? Don't kidnap him until you find out if he can bake cookies or not, and see if he can bake naked._

My face squinched at the thought of my feet being consumed in the small circle of pee. It was so warm. I suddenly felt like barfing again.

_Ohhh, yeah whatever. He's my kinda sorta bro, 'member? Yeah…I'm still scarred from that. You're like the third person to make that horrid memory come back to me. What is it, make Ariel go back to therapy day? Jeez. Oh, your right! To bake or not to bake, that is the question. Mmm, Jake nakey. I likey. :) God, he'd think I'm a creeper if he saw this. I mean he knows you LA-HUV him. _

I didn't know how to end it, so I left it as it was. I didn't want to say that I liked him. I mean, he was my brother from another mother. We had always been like brother and sister. Then, that thing Jake said came back and hit me in the face.

"She's not really my sister, dumbass." He had said.

I slapped my head a few times then growled. This made me confused as hell. That's one thing Kharissa always did. She made me think about things that usually went right over my head. But I didn't want to think about it anymore and, I wasn't sure why at that moment. For some reason it made me mad to think about it. I shook it off, stood up, and threw the rest of my food in the garbage then tossed the plate in the sink.

I wandered into the ready room and looked out the small circular window that let me look out to the deck.

I watched them all as they baited the pots then threw them into the sea rushing by. The sight of this made me want to burst out onto the deck and scream. I felt like jumping into the sea. It made me want to do something. My eyes, like a pair of snipers, locked onto Jake. He was pulling another pot from the stack in his orange getup with a cigarette poking out of his mouth.

_What's so different about you now, Jake Charles Harris? And why do you make me so angry?_

My phone buzzed.

_It actually is send Ariel to therapy day. I meant to write it in your calendar...Jakey nakey! I think I need a shower...Pish posh he wouldn't think you were a creeper! He'd want to ravish you! Its not that I "LA-HUV". It's that I desperately want to rip his clothes off._

I laughed softly and texted her back.

* * *

She was watching me. I looked out of the corner of my eyes as I pulled another pot as she stared through the window of the ready room door. I inhaled on my cigarette and smiled.

Ariel had always been an odd girl. Ever since I had met her she had been a little off to the left compared to all the other girls I had met. But I loved her because she had always been my insane little sorta sister. She was crazy, no one could say anything otherwise, but she was much more than that. She was funny, happy, loveable as Hell, pretty, friendly and everything else positive over the sun. But she had always just been my sister.

At least, I thought so. I had never felt anything other than brotherly love for her before. But inside I knew things were changing, and to tell the truth, I was pretty sure I was okay with that. When I looked at her now, the idea of her and I didn't make me feel like a fucking pervert. It was almost possible.

She looked down and laughed. She bit her bottom lip and those parentheses on the sides of her mouth just magically appeared again. She looked up towards the sky.

It made me happy to see her happy.

I sighed, annoyed. My eyes widened as I put the pot on the launcher.

It would be possible if Ariel felt the same. But no, I was still just her fucking bro that she could tease without even knowing it. That girl was forever a kid.

"C'mon, Jake! Stop friggin' around!" Pops yelled.

I ran back to the stack and started untying another pot.

* * *

_-_-''. Right. Remember to put it on my alerts next time, would you? Thanks. He would so! He'd be like, "Ariel, you're gross!" I don't even know what ravish means but…no! Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll be sure to send him over to you when we get back. _

I looked out the window once more. Josh noticed my presence and waved quickly. I smiled and waved then retreated back into the galley then up to the wheel house.

_It means he'd want to get you naked if he read them! No, no, its ok you can keep Nakey Jakey for yourself :)_

I rolled my eyes. She was such a liar. If I put Nakey Jakey on her doorstep, she wouldn't just leave him there. He would be handcuffed to her heater on a second.

_Yeah, okay. Whatever you say. Well I'm gonna chill with Poppy for awhile. TTYL bebe! :)_

_Goodbye my love! Don't fall off the boat!_

I snapped my phone shut and stuffed it in my pocket. Poppy didn't need to know I had it.

"Hey, Poppy." I sang flopping down into the co-captains chair. I felt like a captain. I needed some sort of hat.

"Hey, honey." He murmured.

"What's up?" I asked.

He looked at me silently with a glazed look in his eyes then went back to watching the boys.

"Oh, yeah." Nothing was up with Poppy other than watching over the pots as they were set.

I looked down at to the deck. The boys hustled and bustled as they put out string after string. I was envious of them.

"So hopefully, this luck of yours will work." Poppy exhaled as he sat back in his chair.

"I'm sure it will."

"Well, I'm testing it out, just to make sure." He explained.

My eyes turned onto him. A smirked formed on my face.

"You don't trust the luck?"

"I'm just curious, baby. That's why I'm putting pots out here," he said, pointing to a spot on the radar, "this has always been a low spot. Every season. So I'm setting a string here."

My mouth formed an o. This pot was going to prove my luck. I couldn't wait until the pots were soaked. I was going to love the excited look on Poppy's face when every single pot would come up full. I put my hands behind my head and snuggled into the chair.

* * *

The boys came in at about 8:00. After an hour or two of hanging with Poppy, I decided to go back downstairs and do something that would kill my boredom. So, I cooked. I went through the freezer and took out some random meat products, a roll of ready to bake biscuits, and some beans from the pantry.

I put the biscuits in the oven, stoked up the stove, and started flipping and mixing. The meat had practically burned my face off on more than one occasion which caused me to scream at the top of my lungs profanities that should never be repeated and I was neglecting the biscuits. I added some red unlabeled powder that set my tongue on fire to the beans. I flipped the steaks then stepped back and took in a breath.

The phone rang. I reached on the other side of the wall and picked up the phone.

"Hello, hello."

"What are you doing down there? I'm hearing stuff that makes me nervous." I covered my mouth with my hand and chuckled. Me and my potty mouth had struck again. Once I calmed myself down, I returned to Poppy.

"Oh, I'm just cooking."

"…Oh. Really?"

"No. I'm killing sea squirrels." I said sarcastically. My mind began to wander to what a sea squirrel looked like.

"Don't get fresh, young lady."

"I can't help myself, I'm fresh to death." I sniffed the air. Something smelled overdone to say the least. My head turned over my shoulder to the oven, the evil source of the smell. I sputtered out small sounds of sadness as I realized my bread products were getting angry in the oven. I bounced nervously as I watched smoke beginning to rise from the oven to the ceiling.

"Well, the boys will be done in about an hour so be done by then, okay? And bring me up some of whatever you're cookin' down there."

"Okay. Gotcha. Bye." I threw the phone over my head and turned off the oven. They seemed burned. I was literally too scared to open the oven door. I felt like crying.

_My poor biscuits._ I thought.

* * *

I set the table. I put out the napkins, set the silverware, filled tall glasses with whatever, put out the Chinet paper plates, and filled them with goodies. I stepped back and looked at the finished product. I was pleased. The food was still steaming and the biscuits ended up surviving after all which made me break out in dance. It included jazz hands, I'm not gonna lie. But it did look like it was being performed by a drunk since I was tired as all mercy.

It was just about eight and it was impossible to keep my eyes open. I cracked my neck and my knuckles.

Bedtime was headed towards me quickly. I swiveled across the floor and into the boy's bunk room. Of course I was a little bummed that I couldn't hang with the boys a little more, but I was so freaking tired that if I did stay up someone either would have been offended or someone would have ended up naked, most likely me. I crawled up into Jake's bed, pulled one of his sweatshirts he left on his bed on myself, put on my sunglasses I had hidden in my pocket, and then cocooned myself in his blankets and nodded off.

"All right, get inside." Pops announced after we launched the last pot. I put my cigarette out on the railing then threw it. We made our way into the ready room and stripped from our gear.

Freddie all of a sudden tipped his head back and sniffed the air loudly then tapped me on the arm.

"Dude, somethin' smells good." He said.

I breathed in and smelled what Freddie was talking about. He was right, it smelled awesome. I rushed out of my boots and made my way to the galley, the others piled up behind me.

"Dude," Freddie said, "that looks amazing."

He was right again. The table was full of food, still steaming hot. My stomach suddenly bubbled with hunger.

"I take back Ariel being retarded." Ryan yelled.

We huddled into the corner table and ate through everything. Everything was absolutely amazing.

"Now we know what she's here for, to keep that pretty ass in the kitchen and…" Ryan began.

Josh looked at Ryan for a second then punched him in the gut.

"That's my sister, man. Shut the fuck up."

Ryan fell silent for a moment. Then smirked and continued.

"And to give me something to think about when I'm…" Jake and Josh both punched him in the gut then.

"That's our sister!" They yelled in his ears in unison.

The whole crew bursted out in laughter then as Ryan doubled over.

* * *

"She's in my bed." I exhaled. I looked at her sleeping form wrapped in my blankets. She was wearing dark Ray Ban sunglasses and my yellow sweatshirt.

"Sucks to be you, man. Are you gonna find somewhere else to sleep?" Josh asked as he shook off his pants.

I pulled myself up into my bunk, careful not to knee her in the face or anything.

"Nope." I said as I crawled over her and into the small space between her and the wall. Ariel mumbled quietly then buried her face deeper into the pillow.

"Pops'll kill you if he finds out your sleeping with her."

"Whatever, she's the one who was in here when she wasn't supposed to." I whispered. I closed my eyes.

"Okay, dude. Whatever floats your boat." Josh flicked off the lights. I could hear his mattress squeal as he flopped into bed.

Everyone was silent.

I opened my eyes and looked as Ariel's body slowly rose and fell. Her face made such a perfect silhouette against the small light shining through the door. It didn't feel fair that she wasn't mine.

I pulled myself closer to her and let my arm drape over her stomach as I nuzzled my face into her neck.

* * *

**Please Review and comment. Thank you kindly. :)**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

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* * *

I felt drunk when I woke up. Of course I wasn't. I cried when Jake told me he put some of his beer in my fruit punch last year for God's sake. I slapped the shit out of him as I wept.

"You date rape pervert!" I screamed. He just laughed and took my blows.

As I reminisced, a sleepy smile crept onto my face. I unwrapped myself from the blankets and cracked almost every joint I could find. Down below near Josh's bed was an electric clock that read 7:22 am. It changed to 7:23 and I looked away to the ceiling. The boys were obviously gone back to the deck because everything was silent besides the distant commands of Poppy. I pulled my sunglasses up into my hair. Everything got much brighter to my dismay. I squinted then yawned.

"I wonder where Jake crashed." I asked myself. I had the strangest feeling as I looked from the ceiling to the space next to me. My hand was pulled to that spot and rested on the wrinkled pillow still sleeping silently behind me.

I hopped down from the bunk, flipped on the bedroom light, growled at the ever-growing brightness of the room, and then pulled my sunglasses back over my eyes to ensure that I didn't go blind. I threw Jake's sweatshirt in the corner that smelled like an odd mixture of Jake and I's smells. He tended to smell like sea salt, wet rope, bait, and nicotine. I smelled of bubblegum and Celine Dion perfume I stole from the local TJ-Maxx. When our scents mixed it made a very interesting smell. I would steal it if it was a perfume at TJ-Maxx.

Josh put his suitcases under his bunk. I pulled them out, unzipped them, and then rifled through until I found a suitable new outfit. It ended up being a plain grey T-shirt and a pair of red and black plaid pajama pants. I slipped off my undershirt and pants. A sudden burst of cold fell upon me and I had an actual want to go into the wheel house. Poppy kept it a million degrees up in there and at the moment, the idea of hot stacked upon hot wasn't bad at all. I zipped up Josh's suitcases and slipped them back under his bed.

Before I dressed, I found myself looking at my reflection in the mirror hanging on the back of the bedroom door. I gasped then bit my lip. It had caught me, and now, I had to suffer. I stepped towards it reluctantly. I had no control anymore.

My head turned from one side then the other. My eyes looked myself up and down as if I was being judged, which I was. The tips of my fingers soon fell onto my red and pink striped stomach, up and down my ribbed and goose bumped arm, over my scarred rounded breasts. I suddenly felt fragile. I felt self-conscious. I felt, in some way, cracked or broken. I hated what I saw, I hated everything.

So, I turned on myself. My eyebrows furrowed and I took in a loud gasp, seemingly moments from tears. But no, I didn't cry. The tears never welled up. I had looked at myself and felt these feelings so many times; I just sort of became numb. I couldn't cry over myself anymore. I was fresh out of tears. That why I was always happy, because I was too numb to the bone to be sad. Sometimes I felt like the tin man from The Wizard of Oz, heartless.

* * *

Someone knocked on the door. My body stiffened like I was being filled to the crown with instant drying cement. I listened with a blank mind as the door jamb began to recede from its locked position. Click. Click. Click.

It all seemed to go in slow motion after that. That last click before the door was completely released, the opening of the door, the entering of Josh. I blinked so hard. I just wanted one tear, just one. I swallowed hard and tried to ready myself as best as I could for what was inevitably coming through that door.

I almost bit through my lip as my heart dropped into my stomach. It felt worse than the mirror, so much worse. I desperately wished I could move. I would have given anything to just turn around.

"Oh hey, you're awake." He said with a smile. Quickly, as I expected though, his smile slowly fell as he took in my presence. I was officially exposed. There were no more smiles, no more changing the subject, no nothing. I couldn't do it. He could see everything. Josh stood there, his eyes slowly scanning down my figure in a sort of curiously disturbed manner. His mouth was straight, tight. Not a sound was let out of it. He didn't really have to say anything. I could hear everything he had to say perfectly clear.

_Ariel, he'd say, what the Hell is all this?_

_I'd cross my arms over my stomach, trying to make it seem not so bad._

_Nothing, I'd whisper._

_He'd step towards me and pull my arms off myself. His anger would escalate as he got a close look at the permanent damage I had done to myself. I'd try to pull away, but Josh would be too strong. _

_No! This isn't nothing! This is bullshit! Josh would put my arms in my face, making me look at every scar, every cut, every last memory of sadness. I'd look, and then shake my head wildly as I denied everything. I'd deny that they were my arms, that I had done such a thing, and that those things were forever. I'd deny. _

_Yes, Ariel. Yes! This is you! What's wrong with you? Why would you do this? He'd scream. _

_I'm sorry Josh. I'm sorry._

But no, that didn't happen. Josh didn't yell, I didn't deny what was obvious.

He only out his arms.

"Come here." He said sternly, but in a whisper that made it sound almost welcoming.

I did as I was told and melted myself into his chest. His arms closed tight around me. I could hear his accelerated heart pounding behind his ribcage. I felt like a bad sister, a bad friend. I wished I could cry. I wished more that I could disappear.

"I don't understand." He finally said, his face buried in my hair.

I could feel the rain of his emotions dropping onto my scalp. I had never seen Jake or Josh cry before. I wished I could have seen him cry for something of more importance like a movie or a pet dying or a loved one passing, not me. I didn't feel like I was quite worth it. I wanted to say, "Stop crying, Josh. You're wasting them. I would know. I wasted all mine on stupid things like me too. So please, stop crying." But, I didn't. All I could muster up were two single words that I knew so well.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

"You're not gonna tell Poppy are you?" I asked as Josh sat me down with a hot cup of coffee after he had gotten me dressed in his clothing plus a hoodie.

"No, it's not my business to tell him. If you want to, then go ahead, but I think for now you should just concentrate on staying happy and staying _away _from all that business." He said pointing to me.

I nodded and sipped at my coffee. It burned my tongue and cheeks, but I continued to sip. He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his thumbs.

"Listen, I gotta get back out there. Eat something and just chill for awhile. Maybe go just try to go back to sleep. Okay?" He ordered as he approached me.

I nodded slowly. Josh lifted my head with his thumb and kissed my cheek, then looked into my eyes. I always thought his eyes were just black when I was younger, but when I was that close, they were brown. I smiled at the new fact.

"I love you, Ariel." He kissed my cheek again the retreated slowly towards the ready room door.

"I love you too and…I'm sorry." I wiped the excess coffee from the rim of my cup with my sleeve.

"I know you are, honey." He said quietly, and then left.

I sighed and quickly finished my coffee.

_More sleep would be nice. _A the thought of sleep made my body all but shut down completely.

I set my coffee cup into the sink then slinked off, back to bed.

It's usually bad to shake a person when they're on a boat. They tend to think that something was wrong with the boat carrying their ass above water. But some people just get it. Like the person who was rattling me furiously from my slumber.

I snapped up with a gasp. I thought the boat was tipping over. I looked around only to see Jake fucking Harris straddling me with a glare in his eyes.

I lay back down after I punched him in the head. I was too tired to notice or care that it looked like we were having sex.

"What do you want?" I asked, partially annoyed, partially amused with how angry he was.

"We need to talk." He said in a low growl.

"About what, Jake?" I asked even though I already knew.

"What the fuck is this about you cutting yourself?"

I rolled my eyes and pulled up my sleeves then put my arms out for Jake to see.

"Those are what the fuck, okay? I'm tired, Jake."

"No! It's not okay!"

He grabbed my wrists as he looked at my arms with utter hatred and digust, as if I hadn't made them at all but had just infested my body somehow. After a minute or two he pinned my arms to the mattress.

"Why? I don't fucking get it! Ariel!" He shook me again.

"You shouldn't get it, Jake. It's even hard for me to understand."

He was silent for a moment. I took in the smell of seawater and wet rope flowing off his body.

"Why do you even care? I know I'm your sister and all, but I—"

"You're not my sister, Ariel!"

"FINE! I'm not your fucking sister! So why do you care?" I screamed. He went backwards the slightest bit, confused as to what just happened. I had never yelled at any of the Harris boys before, not even Poppy. So the fact that I did even made me surprised. For a moment it made me question my sanity. I regretted do it. I didn't mean it.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it—"My words were cut of by Jake's lips pressing against mine.

I felt all his feelings pouring into my lips as they tingled from this new touch. I suddenly understood why he cared. I knew what was going on, just for a moment. I felt beautiful. I felt free. I wanted more. I could feel it all up until the last moments, until he slowly parted himself for me.

Jake sat up and looked me dead in the eye. His eyes were cold, ice. Mine were hot, on fire.

"That's why I fucking care."

He released my arms from his grips then pulled himself off me and jumped down from the bed and then…

Just left.

I was confused, surprised, happy, mad, sad, angry, and in love all at the same time.

You had to wonder what he was thinking as he left. I did. None of it was rather pleasant, so my lip quivered as I watched his shadow dart back and forth under the door.

Once again I felt like a bad person.

Jake just put his feelings out on the table and I just laid there with a stupid look on my face.

I heard the ready room door shut and lock.

**Short, but I think It's good for night writing. Thanks for keeping me going Kharissa.**

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	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

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* * *

The rest of the week was probably the definition of bittersweet.

The pots Poppy had set in the low spot had produced. I watched as they pulled them up on-by-one from the wheel house. Every time a pot came in stuffed to the brim, the hoots and hollers got just a little bit louder. When Freddie called in 1,000, Poppy wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me so tight I thought my guts would pop out.

"T-thanks, Poppy." I said as I felt my vertebrae being cracked on by one.

Once Poppy released me and I straightened out my back, my eyes went back to Jake.

I should have been happy. I should have been breaking out in dance and screaming at the top of my lungs, "I told you so, I told you so! Na-na, na-na, boo, boo!" My luck had worked. All the pots were to the brim with Opilio crab. At this rate we could plan to be back at the harbor in a matter of a few weeks. But, I wasn't. I couldn't.

The bitter part of the week was that Jake had pretty much ignored me. I was invisible to him. I had let him down and made him feel like a fool. So now, to Jake, I was the enemy. I didn't blame him at all. I was pretty sure I deserved it. I deserved every cold shoulder he gave me. At least, I was pretty sure I did.

"Um, I'm gonna go downstairs. Enjoy your crabgasm, Poppy." He smiled up at me as I stood. I leaned down and kissed his scruffy cheek.

"I will darlin'. Hey, are you alright? You seem a little spacey." Poppy asked. I nodded, lying.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking."

That _was_ the truth. I was thinking. I was thinking about what had happened those days ago between Jake and I, what he had said.

"_That's why I fucking care." _

It confused me from dawn till' dusk. Those words hung in my mind life sticky spider webs. Poppy had more than once told me tales of me talking about random things in my sleep. At least, they were random to him. I just couldn't quite settle my finger on that he was trying to get through my thick skull and frankly, it irritated the shit me. He had kissed me. Within that kiss he had let me in on a sort of secret. But sadly, I didn't hear it clearly. I sighed.

"M'kay, hon. Just don't think too hard. Your brain might implode." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not. My thought wandered to what it would be like to have my brain implode. The outcome didn't look good. I made a disgusted look then nodded again and forcefully pulled a laugh from my throat. Then, I made my way downstairs, grossed out and confused.

* * *

The boys came in about an hour later. I was sitting on the counter, ass numb, with my earphones stuffed in my ears. The voice of Jason Vena, the front man of Acceptance, boomed on maximum as he sang So Contagious, one of my favorite songs in the history of history. For that whole hour I had been looking at the wall and swaying with the ship. My mind was fuzzy and my eyes burned. Never had I ever been stoned, but I was pretty sure this was what it felt like if I was.

I waved lazily as they piled inside. They grinned ear to ear and gave me thumbs up like they were posing for class president pictures or something. Obviously there were happy by the numbers. I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling the shuffled through my songs. Out of the corner of my eye though, I watched Jake slip into the booth. His face was stern as he lit a cigarette and inhaled. This was something I only imagined in my nightmares. To see it become a reality made me realize I wasn't without a heart. I knew I had one because it was aching.

Someone pulled one of my earphones out. I turned my head to see Ryan.

_How the fuck did he get over there?_

I jumped slightly, then smiled and relaxed.

"I fucking love you, Ar. I'm serious!" I heard in one ear.

"Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars, collecting your jars of hearts, tearing love apart? You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside you soul. Who do you think you are?" I heard in the other.

_Who do you think you are? _I thought silently.

_You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul._

It had ran into me like a ton of bricks. I was pissed off. I was pissed off at Jake; I was pissed off at myself. Jake was being an unreasonable jackass and it took me four fucking days to realize it! I was being Madam Mopes A lot and practically convinced myself that I deserved everything he was throwing at me. I didn't. Sure, I messed up. I did a bad thing, but to just push me away completely? That didn't sit right with me and I felt like saying so.

"Thank you, Ryan. I love you too." I said quickly after pecking him on the cheek. I jumped off the counter and swam through the small sea of tired and cold fisherman. Again things turned slow. But I wasn't afraid. No, I had an epiphany that Jake needed to hear, even if he didn't want to.

I reached the other side of the room. He still just sat there. Of course he knew I was there, but he was still frozen. I narrowed my eyes and approached.

I turned my head over my shoulder and looked at them all. They understood. I needed a minute with Mr. Jake Harris, alone. They herded themselves into the other rooms.

* * *

I slipped in the booth right across from him, so he had to look at me. Jake didn't speak. It didn't matter if he did or not. It was I who had something to say.

"Jake."

Nothing. He took another drag of his cigarette, held it for a minute, and then blew smoke up into the air.

"Jake, listen."

He ashed out his cigarette then looked at me.

"I made a mistake. I made a lot of mistakes. I don't blame you at all for being mad at me. But, that doesn't give you the right to treat me like shit. You made me think I deserved it! I didn't deserve it and you know it!"

"Hm," Jake mumbled.

My head shook. I hated Jake when he was mad. He had never been mad at me, but I looked on as he was to others. He would refuse to answer when you tried to reason with him, and when you tried to push him even a little bit, he went off on you. I didn't want that. I wasn't sure what I would do if he did.

"Jake," I begged as my head hit the table, "please talk to me."

I could feel his eyes looking down at me, watching me with a sort of angry and unsure look. I just hoped he would hook onto my line. All I needed was a minute. Though, in the back of my mind I was still a little hesitant to push him too far. Being yelled at was not on my to-do-list.

"Ariel," He said flatly.

"What?"

"Stop doing that."

I lifted my head and looked up at him with wide eyes. He didn't look impressed. I sighed and sat up.

"You did mess up. I'm pissed off about you cutting yourself, I'm pissed you forced something out of me I didn't want you to know." He seethed through his teeth.

"Okay, I understand. I'm sorry you had to find out like that. I'm trying to get help for that. And for the forcing something out of you, I don't even really know what you're talking about. But I don't understand why you're just pushing me away and just totally ignoring me. I don't deserve that. At all."

"I don't know. It could be that I cared for you so fucking much then you hit me with this shit like it was nothing. I don't know what to do with you."

"I'm not a puppy. If you care so fucking much about me, then don't hurt me like this. Jake, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!" I slammed my hands onto the table. I wasn't afraid of yelling at him anymore. I wasn't worried about him yelling at me.

"I'm sorry that I did this to myself! I'm sorry I didn't understand why you did what you did last night! Okay? Just please, don't do this shit to me anymore! Talk to me! Look at me! Don't fucking ignore me!"

Jake watched me rant in a sort of surprised horror. He didn't understand.

"I love you SO much Jake, and it kills me inside to see you just shove me to the side when things between us get a little difficult." I held onto a couple of him fingers and clutched them tightly.

Jake sighed heavily and looked out the window.

His hand took a hold of mine and he said yes.

A feeling of small relief consumed my body as I closed my eyes smiled.

* * *

"Why?" He asked out of the blue.

"Why what?"

"Why do you do that?" He asked again, slipping his fingers into my sleeve, feeling my cut and lifted skin.

"I don't know, I guess I just get sad."

"About what?"

"Just personal stuff."

Jake nodded. His warm fingers continued to search up my arm. He was somewhat entranced with what he was finding. A sad entrancement, of course.

"Do they hurt?"

"They're mostly just tight if they're…newer. The old ones I don't feel anymore."

"…I'm sorry you're sad…"

"It happens. Sometimes people are dealt some shitty cards. Those people just need to know how to play them the right way before they bring them down. I'm trying to work them into a good hand, you know?"

"Yeah." He said quietly.

* * *

_Okay, this is a small stepping stone. But at least we're stepping in the right direction. Right? _I thought as we stood and hugged each other. I knew things were completely fixed between he and I, and I knew some things were still meant to be said, but it was a start, a really freaking good start. I didn't want to frig it up. So I decided then and there that I would be honest with him and all the others and not stamp on feelings whenever they arose. I would reach out into the darkness and seek for the lighted hand at the other end, even if it meant shedding a few tears.

"What are you smiling at?" Jake said. I looked up at his face.

"You're smiling too you know." I said then shook my head frantically under his chin. Jake laughed then told me to stop before his cigarette fell and burned me. I did. I was 99.9% sure the top of my head looked like a frizzy bird's nest but it was worth making Jake smile.

"I love you." I said, squeezing my arms already around him tighter. His thin body cracked under my bear hug. When I heard his back crunch an overwhelming sense of achievement consumed me.

"I love you too." He said breathlessly. After his eyes began to cross, I let him go and snapped my own elbow joints. Once he caught his breath he slithered his arms around my stomach and pulled me into his body. I was a prisoner. He smooched my face then squeezed me tight until I thought my innards were going to come shooting out my ass.

We both busted out laughing. I had been refused these sorts of times for what seemed like years. I couldn't hardly bear it. I was so used to it being a regular thing; I almost died from forceful detox when it just suddenly stopped. I was glad it was back. I had my Jake crack.

Then, just as I looked over my shoulder to look at my captor, a small feeling formed in my belly. It felt sort of fuzzy and sweet. Like if it was in my hands, it would have been an old lollypop that had found its way under the dust bunny infested couch. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick again or…if it was something I had never even considered before.

Jake looked to be having the same feeling. His eyes slowly looked up and down my face, his mouth stuck in a small smile. I wondered what he was thinking as he looked at me. What I thought was something so different then what I had all those times I had seen his face before. My cheeks sort of warmed, my eyes became lost in his, and my lips were craving, literally craving.

So, they got what they wanted. You could never deny a pair of lips what they were pretty much screaming for. Our heads slowly began to give, eyes still locked onto the others. Jake's grip around me softened to a simple loose touch. I knitted my fingers between his. It felt safe. It felt okay.

When our lips touched, it was like heaven had dropped down onto my head. It was as if that kiss made me feel so light, I was inches off the ground. Days ago the thought of this would had made me consider upchucking for three days. Days ago I thought Jake as my brother. I considered him my long lost sibling that I would joke around with, laugh with, eat with, and snore with on the couch after watching second rate horror movies. But never kiss like this.

When our lips finally began to part way, he delved in for one more quick lock, and then rested his chin on my shoulder. We looked at each other with curious looks. I felt like two different people. It was like the schoolteacher and the porn star. One minute I was this girl who was secretly begging for Jake's kisses, who was thinking about doing things she really shouldn't to a guy she formerly thought was quote on quote, 'icky'. The other minute I was this shy girl who didn't quite know what had just happened and couldn't tell the difference between a condom and a balloon.

"Wow." I stated.

"Thought you'd say that," He said quietly.

Jake squeezed me once last time, and then relinquished his grip over me. I didn't move for a good minute and a half. I had to go over everything that had just happened in the last few minutes and ultimately decided if I liked it or not.

_Okay, I liked it, _I decided silently, _it was nice. But did he? I've never kissed a boy, like, ever!_

I turned my head to Jake, who was pouring a cup of two day old coffee and called his name.

"What?"

"Am I a good kisser?"

"Yep." He made the P pop, which made me laugh. And the fact that he didn't hesitate made his statement sound official. I was, in fact, a good kisser.I mentally high-fived myself.

* * *

"So," came a voice from the bunk room, "I guess this means you two are better?"

Jake and I tilted our heads into the bunk room where Josh was laying on his bed with a digital camera and a stupid smile on his face as he looked through the pictures he had taken. I cracked a small smile

"What's on there?" Jake pointed a finger to the camera.

"Oh, just your little make out session with a certain girl named Ariel."

"Dude, no! Delete them!" Jake shouted with a smile. I wasn't sure if he was serious or not. I didn't really see much harm in a few pictures. Besides, Josh wouldn't do anything with them that would cause trouble. He knew I would chop his nuts off with a rusty spoon if he tried. I just shrugged and made my way over to where Josh was laying to look over the pictures.

"You guys look like secret lovers." He sang as he slid through each shot. I was glad he had caught it. It was a good memory to keep.

_Making out with a hotty with a naughty body, Yal! _I pictured myself writing that on the back of them if they ever got developed.

"We kind of are." I said, smiling at one of the pictures that was taken just before we, you know. We looked so happy, so calm, and so right. We looked like a couple.

"Delete them or I will. I swear to God I will." Jake continued. Josh and I told him to shut up and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I wish." Jake sighed. I made a squinched face then flipped him the bird. He laughed. I sucked my tongue back into my face, thinking about what Jake's mouth would taste like. I grinned after a minute.

* * *

"Are you going to be sleeping down here?" Jake asked as he pulled off his shirt and climbed into his bunk.

_With you shirtless, yeah. _I thought.

"I don't know. I don't want Poppy to, you know, find us." I said quietly as I pulled my hair up into a loose bun. I unhooked my sunglasses from the side of the bed and glided them over my eyes.

"Jake," Josh warned from his bed.

"What?" He asked his brother. Josh told Jake to watch it and that I was right.

He looked back to me.

"It's your choice." He told me.

My eyebrows knitted together and I bit the insides of my cheeks. I looked over my shoulder to the door, and then looked back at Jake.

I sighed.

"Sorry, Josh. I'm sure it'll be alright." I whispered.

"Whatever, it's not my ass." He mumbled.

I pulled myself up into Jake's bunk and crawled up on top him. He smirked and heaved the blanket over us then wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his bare chest. I could feel myself being lifted and lowered when he breathed. The perfect lullaby.

My lips gingerly kissed his neck. Jake laughed quietly. Even if he was mad at me, Jake couldn't help but love my love.

"Night, Jake."

"Night."

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